the number

I finally saw the number on the scale that scared me enough to start the journey back in Dec 2019. 

I have many friends who have been on or are currently on this journey that have encouraged me. Well I’m a stubborn person and the more people tried to encourage me the more I didn’t wanna. I didn’t care enough about myself to care about myself. 

Last year I decided I needed to start learning how to care about myself. To stop putting myself down. Picking at what is wrong with my body etc. start moving. Start eating better etc. I was coming off yet another ailment, which one would think I would take seriously. But honestly at this point in my life if I stopped anytime I got hurt I would never move So if its not one thing it's another but the cherry on the cake was a herniated disk in my neck diagnosis. Well the neck treatment requited steroids, steroids equal weight gain. I gained almost 90 pounds in 4 months. 

I stepped on the scale and saw a number that scared the hell out of me. 398.9. Almost 400 pounds. I finally had my moment. 

You’ve seen on social media the body positivity movement. Im always envious of these women who are comfortable in their skin. Happy with how they are. How they look etc. The confidence. So I decided, it's time to start.  And I did.  

Since Jan 2020 I have lost most 45 lbs. With fluctuation. Yes I'm aware that's over a year ago,  what I choose to focus on is that I stopped gaining.  Not how much I lost just the fact that I stopped gaining.  Truthfully that was amazing to me.  

So I'm gunna upload my 1st almost full body photo. Mostly just so I can hopefully look back and go damn that bitch maybe fat af but she's happy and confident. 

Fake it until you make it right?